this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
