So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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