stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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