My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
pray to the hookup gods
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
