Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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