areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
