I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
