Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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