On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
