your room smells of hookers.
And success
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
