i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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