she woke up with a sticky ear
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
