how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
