well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
