the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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