Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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