just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
