dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
