Got a toothbrush?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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