just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
