he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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