I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
