You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well you can't waste a boner
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
