I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just puked most of my soul out..
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