i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
