Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
