yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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