I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
