she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
