I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
