Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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