I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All the doctor said was why
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
