someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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