And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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