Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We got so high we made milksteak
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
