If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
