I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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