Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
