just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
