If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
