I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
