i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
