Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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