I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize