my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm passing your future prison.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
