I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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