ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
