Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
