I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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