I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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