why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
