the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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