just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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