I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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