thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
