Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
