I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
