So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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