can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
