i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
