I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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