I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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