Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
