He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
