I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize