I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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