I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
