I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
