you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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