so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
