We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
