I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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