My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
