I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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