shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
