What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They took my balls.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
