I am in a vortex of obligation.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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