If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
