did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
