you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
