you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
