saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
