Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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